Sunday, June 3, 2012

Anger Blows

When does the anger part of grief go away? Isn't three years long enough? Seems like there are times, there are things that set it off, where it becomes 10x bigger, 10x if it just happened. When does it finally dissipate? Does it truly ever go away or will I be angry for the rest of my life? Being angry takes so much energy.

I still don't understand it all. Will I ever understand it all? Will it ever make sense why some people still have their children while my son is in heaven? And if I hear one more person say "well you have two rainbow babies, you should be happy." No. Having Anaiese and Abel doesn't make Johnny any more alive. He's still dead. Oh dear God how I hate that word. Can we just erase it from the English language and pretend that dead no longer exists?

I know all my BL friends understand my frustration but I feel like no one else does. Like I continue on this path of grief and every day it gets a little harder (I miss the days where it was getting easier) and everyone around me is waiting and wondering when will I "get over it"; when will I "move on". For those of you wondering I will never get over it. I will never move on. In my world it is and will always be March 14, 2009 at 6:28PM. And for everyone else time has moved on.....

1 comment:

  1. I am sorry Lynda, but you are right. You will never get over it, you will never move on, and you will be angry the rest of your life. I am so sorry Sweetie, that you have to go through this. I get it, I really do.