The anxiety of having my rainbow baby here and alive I think is worse than when I was pregnant; waiting and hoping she'd be born alive. Now I watch her breathe and hope and pray I never see her take her last breath. Night time sleeping evades me. I'm afraid the moment I fall asleep something will happen to her. The only way I can sleep if she is right next to me and sometimes even then I wonder what happens when I close my eyes.
When will this fear go away?
The when... Completely? I dont know. I still have panicked moments of "I'm sure when X happens, then Y will too." but, for the most part, when Bobby & Maya turned a year old, it felt like the leaf of my anxiety turned too. I still have my moments, to be sure, but they are so different than they were when the twins were still babies.
ReplyDeleteI dread the nights too. I feel like I will miss something while I sleep.
ReplyDeleteWe had a sleep apnoea monitor for Toby's crib - it was the only way I could get any sleep when he was a teeny little squish. I agree with Michele - that fear never goes completely but it does recede with time.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately I think never.
ReplyDeleteI agree...I don't think it ever goes away :(
ReplyDelete