Saturday, May 8, 2010

The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands

Unbelievable! Why is it on every holiday, ESPECIALLY ones where I am missing my little Johnny....wait...I miss him on every holiday....anyway....EVERY holiday Big Johnny has to somehow someway screw up for me. Its always got to all go to shit. As if its not hard enough for me to put on a fake smile tomorrow and pretend that Mother's Day is this joyous occasion for me as if I'm not missing one of my children. Then he has the nerve to tell me that my grieving inconveniences the relationship, that I need to figure out a way to "move on" because my grief is just causing too many problems in the relationship. WTF?? You have GOT to be kidding me!! Of all people, out of EVERYONE I know he is the last person I thought I would hear those words from. But I did. And now I'm just broken. I want nothing to do with tomorrow and wish I could just sleep right through it, pretending that it didn't even exist. But I can't do that, I have two other children that I have to put on a happy face for, and pretend that Mommy is just fine. I HATE HATE HATE this life.