The Panic Sets In

I met with the evil doctor yesterday in Dr. Z's old practice. I waited for 40 minutes just to see her for about 5 mins. I have never ever had to wait that long. Ever. Good news is, I passed my glucose test with flying colors with a score of 111. Dr. Evil measured my fundal height and we listened to baby girl's heartbeat, everything was normal and right on track. She told me she would confirm my c-section date at the next appt in two weeks. I pray to God that I do not have to go back there in two weeks and can find Dr. Z before then. I have been trying with no luck yet. I also informed Dr. Z of the incompetent MA that could not find the time to make the NST appt for me two weeks ago. She replied "Thats odd, that MA is usually right on the ball" um...apparently not this time.

Afterwards I went to see the peri for a NST and ultrasound. Baby girl had flipped and was facing my spine hence why I couldn't feel so many movements, but she was moving and shaking in there. Fluid level looked great and so did she. We finally got to see her breathe for the first time ever! Yay! I was such a cute thing to watch! I fell in love all over again! Then we went into the next room for our NST. The nurse performing the NST was the rudest person I have ever met in my life and asked "Why are you doing these tests so early in your pregnancy?" Um...A. That is really none of your business nor should you be asking questions like that. B. I'm sure all that info is in my chart and if you are really that interested I'm sure you can go over that info with the dr BEFORE coming in to perform these tests. Wow. Good news is the NST turned out great and she stayed on the monitor the majority of the time!

Even with all these test being positive and good news I'm still stressing out. I'm just waiting for something to happen. I still can't picture her being here with me; being alive. It just doesn't seem possible. Like its a far off dream that will never come true. I can feel myself beginning to have panic attacks throughout the day, especially when I am alone, but at times even when I am surrounded by family. I dont know how much more anxiety I can handle.

My placenta started to fail (what they think anyway) around week 28/29. As of today we are at week 28.3, on top of Christmas stress, financial stress, and just life. I just don't think I can take anymore.